Excuse me for freaking the fuck out when I found that my blog from 2007 was still around. Shiiiitttt if only I had invested in google back in 2007 I'd literally be a millionaire. Too bad I was 20 years old and had $3 to my name back then because I knew what the future held...I was on the cutting edge.
I was young! I was a ball of fucking energy. I was on the cutting edge!
Hmmm I like that... good name for a blog. Only problem is when you outright say that you are on the cutting edge you are definitely no longer on the cutting edge. What a condundrum that is and what a goddamn shame how life works. What a shame! Ah another good name for a blog. Speaking of names...I named this post after an incredible song by Mazzy Star that came to quite acclaim in the 90's by indie rockers all around... long before indie was indie and I was who I am.
Listen to it. You'll love it. Especially if you've ever been in love or thought you were in love. And I mean real love. Toxic love. And I don't mean "toxic" in a bad way, not so much poisonous but more dangerous. Because danger is sexy and makes you feel alive and it's not always a bad thing (contrary to popular belief).
I'll probably never show this blog to friends or family because I'll use it to post my feelings and thoughts which are sometimes FUCKING CRAZY.
Or so I think. What is crazy? Who knows? Who gives a fuck honestly in the end?
And I'm a psychotherapist so I should be an authority and on the cutting edge of what is and what is not crazy...and I should be one of the few people who does in fact give a fuck.
And sometimes the lines are blurred. And sometimes I don't give a fuck.
So basically I had to go to work today, which sucked because it was literally a winter storm warning (not even an advisory) in effect in the tri-state area. 9 degrees and snowing and blizzard city and everyone and their mother (literally their mother) had off today but FUCK YOU HEALTH CARE YOU FUCKING FUCKFACE PIECE OF SHIT!
sorry. I will try to refrain from er, that. Anyway I don't want to ramble too much but basically I was inspired to find and post on my blog from 2007 because I wanted to reflect on the last year that was my life. It was a shit show. A fun shit show. I have no regrets. Except I shouldn't have fucked so & so. And I shouldn't have said what I said to some people. I shouldn't have done those things and I knew I shouldn't have continued to do those things...but I am human and I make mistakes and I actually learn from them. I really do. And I cry. I do shitty things and sometimes I'm a shitty person and honestly it makes me less judgmental of others when they do shitty things. Like when people have personality disorders and just don't get "it". Because they don't. And they probably never will. Just like my sister will never understand the deliciousness of goat cheese. And probably never will. So this blog was basically meant for me to talk about my transgressions and all of the weird shit that rattles around in my brain. Also it's a lot cheaper than having a therapist and some random person out there in the universe might read it and connect with it and that's cool. Connection is cool. Fuck it that's what this blog will now be named.
